Waking up a bit late in the morning and realized a day starting with brilliant sunlights flooding all over the space outside the window. But the weather wasn't as fine as I thought. While other countries are begining to become warmer or hotter, and though the sakura trees are in full blossom, it still remains a bitter coldness of spring in japan.
It's so cold !!! >.<
Over 1 year has passed, I seems to be much maturer and more sensible than before. But the more sensible I become, the more pensive and wistful I feel when I'm acutely conscious of what they are thinking about a foreigner like me. Some people are inquisitive and interested in making friends with foreigners and talking about foreign countries. Some people would like to ignore me ( I'd rather be thankful for it). But some people look down on me with disdain. " She may not understand Japanese" " She doesn't has ability as a Japanese does cause she's a foreigner" " Can she do it?" or "What's the hell she's from?" They are thinking so. I can realize it through their attitude, the way they whisper to each other when I support to be have charge of doinng st, or not let me do some works only because I'm a foreigner.
Maybe I wouldn't be so seriously thoughtful if today I didn't talk with a Chinese friend. She's so passably tired of the discrimination in her life, she told me what happened with her and what she felt from other Japaneses' attitude.She said although she had been living in Japan for several years, but she couldn't still get close to this life, there's still a wall between her and the others. I haven't felt into such an appalling situatian like her, but I can virtually sympathy with her feelings, and look back on my own life and begin distressing.
I'm sorry to ones who always treat me well and are willing to help me. But how can I ignore this stuff when I'm so concerned with the others' thinkings :(